I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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