You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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