Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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