it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is Oprah even human
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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