Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
