Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
