there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
