some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
