What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
