no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
