butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
