wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Im part way to drunk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
