I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
