Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
