Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
