Dude my mom stole all your condoms
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
