I don't think brook has ever known best
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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