i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I deserve this hangover.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
