Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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