omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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