Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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