I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
