please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
