i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
