I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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