I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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