ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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