Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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