Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
