Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
