**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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