Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
