Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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