Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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