you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Michael Bay diarrhea
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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