apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
