We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
