My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
