i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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