You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
time to smoke my breakfast
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
