Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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