ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
