I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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