im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's blow job season.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
