That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
