There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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