then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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