I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
