you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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