Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
