Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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