I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
