Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im six kinds of drunk right now
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
