She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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